How To Practice The Five Love Languages on Yourself

By now, everyone should know about the five love languages: quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts, words of affirmation, and physical touch. These love languages were made popular in a book authored by Gary Chapman in 1992 entitled, The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts.

In the book, Chapman offered readers a framework for how to identify the main ways someone can communicate and receive love, specifically to/from their romantic partner. Now, the game is changing and causing more and more people to focus on expressing love inward.

Self-love is as simple as it sounds — sharing the love you give outwardly with yourself first. According to Esther Georges, MSW, LCSW, owner of Mending Heart Counseling, practicing the love language on yourself is the foundation for your external relationships.

“It is important to know your love language and practice it on yourself so you can understand what you like and what you value. After all, if you don’t know how you like to be treated, how can you express that to someone else,” she explains.

Just like other habitual acts, Georges encourages us to show ourselves love every day. By doing so, it can set the standard for what you accept from others.

Though Chapman initially wasn’t considering how we could use the 5 love languages to love ourselves — I’d like to consider that the five languages can be turned inward. Here are some ways:

Quality Time

Quality time at its core is when a person’s undivided attention and presence makes you feel seen, loved and heard. This can mean eye contact, a listening ear or simply being together without distraction.

How to Turn Quality Time Inward

To turn this inward, quality time can simply mean taking the time out to learn yourself. This can be through journaling sessions or taking a long, slow walk. Quality time doesn’t mean isolation but instead refilling your emotional, mental and spiritual cup.

Acts of Service

Your love language may be acts of service if you feel most valued when a task is taken off of your plate. The service doesn’t have to be big, but it’s the thought behind it that counts.

How to Serve Yourself

We serve ourselves everyday with our choices. Serving yourself may look like accomplishing a goal you’ve been procrastinating on and checking it off of your to-do list. It can also look like catering to your future self by packing lunch or making a coffee the night before to make mornings easier.

Receiving Gifts:

Do you like opening your mailbox to see packages with your name on them? Do you appreciate “thinking of you,” gifts? If so, then your love language may be receiving gifts. It’s not about the monetary amount but instead the symbolic display of love.

How to Gift Yourself

To showcase this form of love try subscribing to one of your favorite stores. This way you can receive a monthly box filled with goodies to look forward to. Random gifts like buying yourself flowers can also boost those love hormones.

Words of Affirmation

Building yourself up with affirmations can be your go-to for showing yourself appreciation and love. Words of affirmation through verbal compliments or reassurance may be the push you need to brighten your day.

Ways to Affirm Yourself

Start your day by telling yourself the things you love about you. This can be in the mirror or before you take a peek at your phone. Write compliments on sticky notes and post them around the house.

Georges recommends using simple affirmations like, “I am beautiful. I am smart. I can do it. Today is going to be a great day” as a means of encouragement. These pick-me-ups will remind you that you can get through any tough day.

Physical Touch

Sometimes a hug is all you need to get by! Physical touch as a love language means you feel most cherished through physical affection. This doesn’t always mean sexual intercourse. But in fact, physical touch is about feeling close and connected.

Nurturing yourself

If you’re in need of physical touch, there are a few ways to get it! You can buy your favorite body products and use them after a nice hot shower. You can book yourself a massage, nail or hair appointment. Wear fuzzy pajamas. Or, buy a weighted blanket for the night time. These are all ways to add extra connection for yourself.

Whatever your love language is, please be sure to express it to yourself first before you give it all away to others.