How To Enjoy Life As the Healed You
“Healing comes in waves,” and I know I’m not the first to say this.
When you really get serious about your journey and what it requires, you begin to understand how challenging it is to face yourself and your past, while embracing your present. But you’re also freed from negative belief systems that kept you in the dark all this time. The gift of a healed self is priceless.
I’ve committed to doing the healing work for nearly a decade – taking self-development classes, attending seminars and workshops, and coaching women for three years. But what happens when you’ve reached a point of “completion” in some areas and have gained enough footing to ease out of the shadow work a bit? I know we’re never going to “complete” healing, as it is a life-long process. Also, we may very well get triggered in areas we’ve healed from. That’s OK. Our response is what matters, as well as our recovery. Nevertheless, how do we live outside of all the work we’ve put in?
How does the healed person enjoy life?
I, for one, have struggled with this. I am goal-oriented to a fault, which makes it hard to cultivate joy. Hanging out is still a novelty, and while I enjoy occasional activities, I always revert to a routine of fulfilling obligations—it’s my default. But joy is necessary, in addition to having a good work ethic and the fire to go after your dreams! We live in a world of “Both And,” as my therapist says. She introduced me to this term in one of our sessions because life is not always black and white, and neither are its people. The relationships we have are integrated with nuances. Thus, how can we incorporate the concept of “Both.And” in our day-to-day?
Retreat
I went to Bali, Indonesia, in June of this year for a neurological reset. My challenges with anxiety didn’t flare up nearly as much as they do in New York. I had time to watch birds fly in circles and hear them sing. We slept in a villa that overlooked a rainforest and had breakfast prepared for us every morning. My soul experienced a much-needed pause in such a luxurious way!
If you’ve been grinding nonstop or have been on autopilot, then you need a change of pace. Slowing down helped me to recalibrate on a cellular level. I was able to come home myself. I felt like LaTeisha again, as I sat poolside while eating dinner, and played some keys, while no one was watching, on the electric piano.
This retreat allowed me to step away from the roles of mother and employee and bond with the women inside of me. She was lost in obligation. But, the exposure to a restful world in Bali helped me to appreciate what it means to be soft. I lived in decadence for ten days on that retreat with 15 other women, because this is the type of lifestyle we deserve! We walked around lightly with our hair in braids, locs, fros, and shaved haircuts. We were glorious in our blackness and our femininity. It was truly divine. And I need more of that Bali-feel in the States!
Try New Things
So, I’m going out on dates!
The “D-word” can be a little daunting for me because the pickings are, shall we say, “interesting” these days. I was tempted to say “slim.” However, I learned to speak things into existence as though they were. I want abundance, so I’ll simply refer to the dating pool as “interesting.” Communication has plummeted to emojis and never-ending ”Hey” texts that don’t amount to anything. Speed dating isn’t fun anymore and online dating apps make me nervous. “Am I swiping Left when I should have Swiped Right? Was he the one? Am I putting too much into this? Shut it down! Delete the app. I’m done.” That’s been my narrative. Where does that leave me now? Dating myself!
I’ve resorted to enjoying my own company, while attracting love in real time. I figure, if I get to know LaTeisha and enjoy who she is, then I’ll attract someone who’s gonna connect with me on that level.
A wise friend once told me (over an incredible brunch date at the Zest Ubud in Bali), that it’s important to date when you’re in a good place, because that’s what you’ll attract. You don’t want another trauma bond. Okay! With that said, I am currently reminiscing on the pedicure I had a month ago. It was so relaxing. I even added the fifteen-minute foot massage after my toes were polished. Teisha needed some “me time” while my son was on a play date with his Godmother.
Catering to yourself is necessary.
I feel rested just thinking about it. Making memories actually holds you over until your next adventure. That’s a bar! I am also spending quality time with family. We just wrapped up a photoshoot for my clothing line, which is on the way. More on that soon! In the meantime, I am simply breathing in deeply and exhaling slowly. That breathing technique calms my body and mind from intrusive thoughts.
A Little Therapy Goes a Long Way and So Does Movement
When it comes to your physical body, I also know I’m not the first person to tell you to move your body. But not only that! Find an exercise routine that works for you! I was recently listening to Grow With Jo on YouTube, and she pointed out the real reason a lot of us fall off of the wagon: we don’t like the exercises we picked to begin with, which gets in the way of us staying consistent. I’m guilty of that and will be the first to say I need to find a better workout regimen. Maybe I’ll do Zumba again! I love a good two-step.
Outside of exercise, I plan on going to concerts, getting dressed up for date nights, joining some meetup groups, and mingling. Here’s to welcoming a fulfilling life that doesn’t get entangled in the mundane!