I haven’t mastered the art of letting go, because life is weird. Family matters can be complicated, and knowing what to say in uncomfortable situations isn’t always easy. But I also learned I hold onto guilt that doesn’t even belong to me because I feel very deeply. My empathy can sometimes turn into overcompensating for what others won’t do, just to “keep the peace.” However, I’m learning to let go of that Savior Complex because I am not Jesus. He died for all of our shortcomings. So, I don’t have to nail myself on anybody’s cross because my Jesus paid it all!
Internalizing Pain As a Child
As a quiet child growing up, I internalized grief and heartache before even having the words to articulate those feelings. I became a parented child and learned how to navigate my mother and father’s divorce by acting like it didn’t matter to me. “They did what they had to do” was my three-year-old response to a very adult situation I didn’t understand. I carried this mantra with me up until adulthood, because I didn’t know I was ignoring my feelings.
Masking Sadness to Cope
This coping mechanism was used to mask my sadness so I could be “happy and smiling” to ease the tension. If I was “good”, sat pretty, and excelled in school, I would earn the love of my father and my mother would’t have to work so hard as a single mom. I didn’t know I was bridging the gap of their hurt by acting like my pain never existed.
Becoming a Mother
It was a Wednesday night on December 31st and I pushed out this baby boy. I didn’t have reactions at first because of all of the trauma from labor and delivery. But, after everyone was gone, and I held him in my arms, there was a love I felt so deeply that no one could explain. ‘He is mine, and I am his.’
A New Perspective
That changed how I saw the world. I had the drive to live beyond my pain because my son needed to see a mother who loved herself intensely. Now, thirty-nine year-old LaTeisha, has no energy to put on facades. I frankly don’t have the bandwidth to carry anyone’s burdens as if they’re my own, because I have a child to raise, a life to live, and an inner child to heal. Let’s face it. Life is messy! We’re all trying to figure it out. And it we don’t always get it right. So why hold onto the little things like that extra weight won’t break you?
Embracing Authenticity
I know a thing or two about being broken. Just recap to any one of my blogs and you’ll see a woman who’s journeyed through heartache, indecision, toxicity, and feeling stuck in life. But, I leaned into my pain instead of ignoring it and now I am able to live authentically. Therapy has been my guiding light through mother wounds and other pains. Unpacking trauma taught me what existed on the inside and how I disembodied from myself.
Fight or flight were stress responses I heavily engaged in for a good decade. Those heightened emotions worked until they didn’t because it’s not sustainable to constantly be on edge. If you’re a single mom navigating the legalities of parenting schedules, you can understand how taxing that is on your psyche. Making the wrong step could have you overthinking your every move, just to prove you’re a “fit” parent. That’s insane! And no one should have to live like that.
Why do you think so many single moms are on edge?
We have the world on our shoulders with unrealistic expectations that are judged meticulously. However, letting go of how “Big Brother” sees me has helped me to be the parent my son needs. I call myself “mothering-intuitively” because I am gentle, yet firm, and okay with him “checking” me on occasion. He has the ability to say, “Mommy, get out of your head and take a nap!” Or, if I make a mistake, my kid feels safe enough to say, “Mommy, I didn’t like that,” because we have a bond that cannot be broken… ever.
Letting Go and Finding Joy
Letting go is the act of releasing what you no longer have the bandwidth to hold. Anger can be released after a while. Sadness can be attended to and unpacked. Joy can be felt, as you embrace who you are.
Look inward to the parts that hurt you and feel uncomfortable, so you can truly experience the life Jesus died (and rose again) for you to live.
Christians can sometimes get mixed up in the belief we’re supposed to be martyrs because, “What-else-would-Jesus-do?”
Living Like Jesus
In reality, Jesus was out in these streets healing people, speaking His truth, (righteously) flipping tables, calling people out on their evils, and kickin’ it with Mary, Martha, and Lazarus… and Zaccheus when he came down from that tree! Jesus had a life, and He wants us to enjoy ours! He doesn’t want you hiding in a corner with your pain, guilt and depression. He wants you to live free from what you’re experiencing. Find a therapist. It’s ok to seek “wise counsel.” Getting outside help was tough for me to navigate sixteen years ago as a highly religious person. But it is ok for you to love Jesus and see a professional about your mental and emotional issues. “Confessing our sins one to another that we may be healed” is completely biblical, while being wise enough to lay our burdens down with those we trust. You can be mindful about who you reveal your secrets to. Not every person isa safe space. Be intentional.
More importantly, get to know Jesus better. How did He “do life”? It’s easy to get caught up in religiosity when we put Churchism above God by covering up our issues with a plastic smile. Christ came for you to live abundantly and how can we do that without freedom? You are free to exist without the constant fear of worrying about what people think! Allow yourself to gracefully dance with the ebb and flows of life.
The Art of Letting Go
What are you letting go of and how do you release what no longer serves you? Listen to your heart. How do you feel when you’re around certain people? Pay attention to how your emotions are activated. That’s how you learn about what hurts and what feels amazing!
The art of letting go is a dance, like a waltz, that has us twirling around and curtsying as we breathe in… and exhale.
It’s ok to let it go.